< Back Toggle Contrast

I don’t know how long I have been here.
In this cage.
All I know is that it’s safe here.
For I’m different, and I’m scared of it.

These blue wings of mine,
The friendly giant always tells me how beautiful they are.
Perhaps so, and yet…

I hate them.
I hate them so much.

A long time ago, it didn’t bother me.
How they turned from a neutral white to a deep blue.
I thought it was normal, even if it made me feel strange.

Until I saw other birds.

Yellow, green, and beautiful pink, to name only a few.
Every time I peered through the window,
I saw how others flew, happy and proud of their colors.
I then glanced at mine, sadness rushing over me.

Envy. Anger. Anguish.
I started hating myself.

I no longer took care of my plumage.
“It didn’t matter anyway,” I thought.
No matter what I do, they’ll still be blue.

I looked terrible.
I hated looking in a mirror.
And yet, the friendly giant always called me beautiful.
Always fed me, cared for me, protected me.
But the cage remained closed.

I didn’t dare spread my wings.
So long I kept them close, I wouldn’t see the color.
Like this, days, weeks, years passed.
In the end, I forgot how to spread my wings.


I cared not.
I had grown used to the sadness, the pain.
Or perhaps I was merely hiding it?
It mattered not.
For I was safe here, in the cage.

Then one day, a bird flew past the window.
I couldn’t believe my eyes.
Once blue like mine, they had become the most gorgeous pink.
They seemed so happy too.
Surrounded by others just as happy and caring.

I screamed.

“Why can’t my wings be like theirs?!” I yelled.
“Why am I stuck here, with these disgusting wings of mine?!” I shouted.
But my cries fell on deaf ears.

I couldn’t take it anymore.
I started pecking at my own wings.
It hurt. It hurt so much.
But slowly, the bleeding changed their color.

It was ugly, messy, and painful.
But some feathers had become a beautiful pink.
For the first time, I felt happy. Hopeful even.
I started to cry.

And then, unbearable fear overwhelmed me.
“My wings could be a beautiful pink too,” I thought.
“But what if it ended up looking even worse?”
“What if, even after all the pain, it would only leave me sadder?”

Accept the guaranteed sadness of now,
Or embrace a chance of happiness later?
The dilemma tore me apart,
And for far too long I remained petrified.

Over time, I saw more birds.
Those that changed their colors.
Some subtle, some extravagant.
All of them brimming with happiness.


There were others too.
Dull yet overbearing,
They attacked them for simply being proud of their colors.
“No matter how much you try,
you can never truly change your colors!” They yelled.

I hated them,
Those that only took away other’s happiness.
Why?
What did they stand to gain?
Nothing.

As yet more time passed,
I grew certain.
Cast away these azure plumes,
And adopt ones that made even the most beautiful cherry blush.

One time the friendly giant came,
I hesitantly spread my wings.
It almost hurt, so long it had been,
And displayed the handful of beautiful pink feathers.

The friendly giant was shocked. Confused.
“I never knew you disliked your blue feathers,” she said,
“I never saw any signs,” because I had hidden them,
“But I can’t imagine you truly wanting them pink.”

On one hand, relief.
On the other, agony.

I had finally gained the courage to spread my wings once more.
They were ugly, dirty and neglected,
But I had hope that, with enough care, love and patience,
They would one day shine again.


The friendly giant had changed.
She still fed, cared, and protected me.
But she always left me with more doubt.

“What if you regret it later?”
“You’ll end up isolated if you do this.”
“You’re merely living in your own world!”

I won’t.
I already am.
I am not!

Time and time again, I explained.
This would truly make me happy!
But every time she retorted.
“What if you want these changes because you’re so unhappy?”

I began to dislike the friendly giant.
She fed, cared and protected me,
But even so, I remained locked here,
In this cage.

She did everything to protect me.
Perhaps too much.
Even from my own desires.
My lifelong dream.

So many tears, I eventually lost count.
After all these years, now they decided to pour.
Or rather, are these the tears I had kept inside all along?

I became terrified.
Not of the what-ifs and threats.
But from losing the friendly giant.

She always loved me, and I loved her back.
The time we spent together was good,
Even if I was in my cage.
I couldn’t bear to push her away just because of my own needs.

Eventually, she started to understand.
My lifelong desire for beautiful pink wings.
She even decided to help me.
I couldn’t be more grateful.

Yet, the cage remained closed.

And now,
Slowly, gradually, though surely,
my feathers are turning that beautiful pink I always dreamt of.
I still have so much to catch up on. All these years of neglect.
But I’m finally able to feel happy, despite the crushing regret.

Finally, I can look into a mirror,
And be happy with what I see.

And still, the cage remains closed.

As my wings become more and more beautiful,
I can’t help but wish for more.
A stunning red, a sparkling silver,
My feathers have become like a canvas to me.

I look out the window, and see beautiful birds fly past,
Dazzling as the rainbow, blinding like the sun,
And see how happy they are.
Despite the nastiness others may throw their way,
They are proud of who they are.

“Soon,” I tell myself,
As I play with more beautiful colors.
Until once again, the friendly giant approaches me and says:
“Whatever you do, make sure to never stand out.”

I feel my dream once more shattering.
It was so close, I could almost grasp it.
I take in my dazzling, sparkling plumage,
And cry once more.

She just wants to protect me, I know.
She too has seen the nastiness.
Even experienced it, back when she was younger.
And as such, I remain locked in my cage.
Safe, sound, but hollow.

“You’re too old now to look like that.”
“What if important people shun you for being too extreme?”
“Maybe in private, but not out in public!”

It hurts so much.

I’m already filled with regret,
To have accepted life in this stupid cage.
Now, it just feels claustrophobic.
I look out the window and see such happiness,
And feel as though I can never truly be happy myself.

Sure, I can still be a beautiful pink,
Sure, other birds will not be mean to me.
But if no one can see it, appreciate it, admire it,
Can I truly be proud of it?
I may be happy, but could I be even happier?

It feels suffocating, this cage I’m locked in.
It has protected me for so long,
But now it just hurts.

I want to fly.
I want to catch the light on my dazzling, sparkling wings.
I want others to see me,
Both the good and the bad ones.
I will not be scared anymore.
And I no longer want the friendly giant’s protection.

She has always fed, cared, protected me,
But in the end, it only led to sadness.
The very things she warned me about, came to be,
But not through the means she predicted.

I have become isolated,
Because I hated myself.

I have been shunned,
Due to my lack of confidence.

I am living in my own world,
One where I merely pretend to be happy.

All while doing exactly what she told me to.

No more.

If these things are going to happen anyway,
Then at least I want to experience them with a smile.
Being happy with who I am, even if it shuns others.
Let them bask in my presence, and be proud.

Just like all the other beautiful birds I have seen,
I know there are those who will appreciate me for who I am.
Even if some will be nasty,
I want to take pride in my identity, and show it for all to see.

One day,
I will open this damnable cage,
Spread my wings,
And take flight.
Dazzling, sparkling under the sun’s light,
And finally, finally, feel true happiness.